Ending our addiction to punishment
"But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies do good to those who hate you bless those who curse you pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who ask of you, and if anyone takes away what is yours, do not ask for it back again. Do to others as you would have them do to you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive payment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. Instead, love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for the measure you give will be the measure you get back."
Time for another episode of Jesus asks us to do hard things! We are almost to Lent, when we will spend time from fasting from things that get in the way of our relationship with God. I hope this pre-Lenten time has given you inspiration for your fast. I know it has for mine.
We live in a society that is obsessed with punishment, with an eye for an eye, with doing harm in response to harm. In many of the communities in which I spend my time and energy, we call this a carceral mentality. On a governmental level, if someone is suspected of doing something wrong, we put them in jail. If someone is convicted of doing something wrong, we put them in prison. Sometimes we kill them. Our jails and prisons subject people to abuse, to torture, to denial of medical care, force people to work on farms, in factories, in fast food restaurants, fighting fires and more for cents on the dollar. Upon release, people often struggle to find a job or housing because of their record. In many places they are not allowed to vote ever again. Due to the inequities in our criminal legal system, just being suspected of committing a crime can cost a person their entire life. And we love it. How many tv shows are about catching and imprisoning people suspected of doing harm? With 22 shows about the criminal legal system on Amazon and 18 on Netflix alone, I’d hazard a guess an eye for an eye is the most prominent source of entertainment we have today.
This idea that we must punish people who are suspected of doing harm has permeated our day to day lives. Judgement and then punishment is our default reaction in so many of our relationships. We punish kids who act out, we punish friends or partners with the silent treatment, with ghosting, with exclusion. We hit back with words when we aren’t hitting back with fists. We punish ourselves for not living up to whatever high standard we have set for ourselves, for making mistakes. And we have turned God into a God who throws people into the fiery pits of hell and make ourselves crusaders for this punishment when we have these words right here in front of us telling us the opposite about God, the opposite about Jesus, the opposite about who we are called to be.
Now, please do not hear me saying we should let anyone treat us any kind of way and accept it. That’s not what I am saying, that’s not what Jesus is saying. If is perfectly reasonable, in fact encouraged, to create space when someone is doing harm. We can love people and pray from them from outside their immediate circle. We can forgive people and not allow them to be in our lives anymore, we can not allow them space. This isn’t about that. This is about our consistent, deeply ingrained need to do harm to those who we perceive as having done harm.
Not only are we invested in individual punishment, we also seem to need to see collective punishment. Whenever there is a natural disaster in liberal states, some conservative commentator says it’s what they get for being so Godless. When there is a natural disaster in a state that has more conservative representatives, some liberal voices come out saying that’s what they get for voting wrong. We don’t know how to respond to harm in ways that do not do more harm. We won’t know how to turn the other cheek. We have no idea what it looks like to love our enemies.
Harm both disconnects and comes from disconnection. To harm another, we need to turn off our connection to them and our connection to ourselves. To be harmed also frequently results in a disconnection from self. We are stuck in a cycle of disconnection and harm and passing it down generation after generation. We are so entrenched in this carcel mindset, so convinced of it necessity, its good, and possibly its inevitability, that a few years ago, when abolition was being discussed in the wake of public examination of the actions of police, most people’s reaction wasn’t to get curious, to wonder what that meant. Most people didn’t ask any questions about what it could look like to imagine a world in which punishment wasn’t the first response. Instead of being curious people got afraid, and in their fear, they became reactive. We are so addicted to punishment we can’t even get curious about whether there might be another way. In these words Jesus is offering us another way. A way that goes against everything we know.
I imagine these words were equally shocking for an occupied people to hear, a people who were under the thumb of a government that hated them. Jesus is not making new laws here, his words do not follow the pattern of telling people this is what they have to do. Jesus is using the time-honored linguistic technique of saying something radical for the purpose of forcing people to open their minds and think about things in a new and different way. There are a number of theories on the “if someone hits you, offer them the other cheek.” Some scholars suggest that this is a form of resistance, that turning the other cheek forces the other person to treat you like an equal or violates a cleanliness code. I have heard interpretations that this move will require the person doing the hitting to ponder if they really want to just keep hitting someone. I like these theories fine, but what if Jesus is simply trying to get people to think about alternative to responding to harm with harm? What if Jesus is trying to break the pattern of thinking held by those listening to him, and, in turn, trying to break our patterns, by suggesting things that seem too much, too hard, too against everything we know and are?
The bottom line of Jesus’ words here is to love one another as God loves us, as he says, “Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” This not only instructs us how to love as God loves, but gives us information about who God is that should help shift our perspective. God does not strike back, God does not respond to harm with harm, God gives and gives and gives (possibly foreshadowing the way God would give and give and give and forgive in the form of Jesus Christ). Can we imagine a world in which we actually love others as God loves us? What would that look like? What would it look like if we responded to one another with curiosity, compassion and kindness? What if when harm was done we sought healing for everyone involved? Where we responded to harm by trying to restore connection, rather than increase disconnection?
One of my favorite interpersonal examples of loving this way is a person named Alok Menon, a poet and comedian. Alok is non-binary transgender they are dark skinned, usually have a beard and body hair. Alok also wears dresses and heels and makeup and has an incredibly fun fashion sense. This description may have made you uncomfortable. As you might imagine, Alok gets a lot of hate for this. Their responses are some of the best examples of love and mercy in the face of hate I have ever seen. One example: Someone posts on a photo of Alok, “you clearly do not have the body for that dress! YUCK!” Alok responds: Hi Friend! You clearly have the need for my love! I’m sorry that shame has recruited you in the service of its shenanigans. We both know this dress has no opinions about my body. You do. We both know that your thoughts aren’t about what I look like, they’re about what you feel like. There’s a difference. You know what's not a cute look? You working as a publicist for fatphobia and sexism for free! You are worth so much more than that. You are an every day miracle: divine, transcendental. I’m sorry that you’ve been made to lose sight of that. Hatred is love that has lost its way. Style tip: redirect your passion away from me and back to you and I promise you won’t only look better, but feel it, too. <3”
Underneath hate there is usually fear, hurt or both. Alok understands that and responds with compassion and love while also making it clear they will not be treated that way. Alok doesn’t get defensive, doesn’t get in their wounds, just responds with love. Doing this is hard work. It means we have to learn how to not react out of hurt, we have to learn to pause, we have to practice seeing the humanity and the Jesus in one another. We have to learn our triggers, how to have healthy conflict. We have to learn to love one another as God loves us. When we learn to love one another as God loves us, we let go of the need to punish, the need to judge, the need to keep what we see as “ours” for ourselves. In doing so, we come a little closer to that line we pray in the Lord’s prayer – on earth, as it is in heaven.”
Are we ready for a kinder, more loving world? I know I am. Amen
